In this wonderfully written satirical
piece of literature, Mr.Johnson.V (Founder Director Of Johnson’s Spoken English
Course) tells about ‘the Stupid Practice Of Accusation’ In
Our So Called Modern Day India & its million manifestations!
It is very interesting to go along with him, with
him telling all the things, in detail, one needs to know about accusation,
accuser, accused & other related parties in his inimitable style of
sarcasm! He mocks the accuser in such a way that the accuser would not be found
or seen anywhere near any of those who has gone through this rib tickling
article!
SUNDAY, JUNE 5, 2011
THE ACCUSER!
The
position of an Accuser has always been considered extremely glamorous & commendable
in Independent India! People
admired him for his daredevilry & audacity. They loved him more than they
loved their film stars & cricket men! He has been the ultimate poster boy
of the TOO INQUISITIVE INDIAN! They
love him day & night because he is Omnipresent as god is; and he is
Irresponsible as they themselves are - making The Accuser a demi-god!
The duty of the Accuser is just to accuse someone of something -he got to say that he has all the proofs to nail one, despite the fact that he never had any solid & real proof against anyone at any given point of time! Despite proving anything he can go on Accusing all his life! He also comes in the form/role of a mud-slinger, where he keeps on throwing mud on whoever he targets! The Accusers & Mudslingers are also seen elsewhere, world wide; but the Indian one is TOTALLY DIFFERENT as he will never be held responsible for any of the millions of baseless accusations & allegations he has made or the truck loads of mud he has flung on innocent & hapless persons!
The Accuser always starts with one of the following suggested accusations as they are time tested & grab immediate attention! The Prime Minister Is A Fool, A Particular Higher Official -like a particular IAS, IPS or IFS Man in a Public Limited Company etc- Is A Burglar Of The Public Money, That Private Limited Company Is Destroying The Ground Water Level of The Entire Nation, The Governor Is An Idiot, The Vice-chancellor of that University is a Mad Man, Coconut & Coconut Oil Producers are the Real Cause of Heart Attack, Billions have been Stolen by that Street Beggar Tricking the Entire Nation all These Decades, I have given 1 billion dollar bills in a match box size suitcase to get an Electric Connection, That Superstar has a direct link with the Terrorists, That Businessman is mining truck loads of gold in the pitch dark nights @ the now defunct Kolar Gold Fields, The Reserve Bank Governor Is Printing The Fake Currency Notes for the Pakees, Bakra Nangal Dam is built by low quality cement mixed with cow dung & tissue paper to the huge benefit of the builders of the dam, That Successful Business man is sleeping on a bed of fake currency notes, That Swami is having sex with each & every girl in the country, That Political Leader has leprosy in his mind -mind is brain hence leprosy in brain!, The Chief Minister is grabbing land all over the state in the names of his Benamees, The IITs, IIMs & IIScs are run by 3 Idiots etc!
The only thing The Accuser must never do is POINTING HIS EVER ACCUSING FINGER TOWARDS THE JUDICIORY & SAY SOME ACCUSATIONS! It is the ONLY THING the accuser should avoid at all costs; even in his dreams he should not accuse the judiciary! If he ever commits that blunder, his life as An Accuser is over forever! It is well known that those accusers who wished to commit suicide always followed the safe & 100% result giving suicide method of ACCUSING THE JUDICIORY! This one thing The Accuser is not supposed to do if he/she wishes to have a GOOD SHELF LIFE OF AN ACCUSER! As a compassionate compensation for his self restrain, he is magnanimously given the exclusive privilege to THROW BARRAGES OF ACCUSATIONS & if possible garbage @ any retired judge or retired part of judiciary, without thinking & considering in which judicial forum he sat just before his retirement, NONSTOP! If The Accuser does it, then the entire country will back him up! It is something like a WITCH HUNT where the RETIRED WITCH HUNTERS OF THE BYGONE ERA ARE ACCUSED/HUNTED LIKE ANYTHING! Nobody will even try to stop The Accuser then!
The duty of the Accuser is just to accuse someone of something -he got to say that he has all the proofs to nail one, despite the fact that he never had any solid & real proof against anyone at any given point of time! Despite proving anything he can go on Accusing all his life! He also comes in the form/role of a mud-slinger, where he keeps on throwing mud on whoever he targets! The Accusers & Mudslingers are also seen elsewhere, world wide; but the Indian one is TOTALLY DIFFERENT as he will never be held responsible for any of the millions of baseless accusations & allegations he has made or the truck loads of mud he has flung on innocent & hapless persons!
The Accuser always starts with one of the following suggested accusations as they are time tested & grab immediate attention! The Prime Minister Is A Fool, A Particular Higher Official -like a particular IAS, IPS or IFS Man in a Public Limited Company etc- Is A Burglar Of The Public Money, That Private Limited Company Is Destroying The Ground Water Level of The Entire Nation, The Governor Is An Idiot, The Vice-chancellor of that University is a Mad Man, Coconut & Coconut Oil Producers are the Real Cause of Heart Attack, Billions have been Stolen by that Street Beggar Tricking the Entire Nation all These Decades, I have given 1 billion dollar bills in a match box size suitcase to get an Electric Connection, That Superstar has a direct link with the Terrorists, That Businessman is mining truck loads of gold in the pitch dark nights @ the now defunct Kolar Gold Fields, The Reserve Bank Governor Is Printing The Fake Currency Notes for the Pakees, Bakra Nangal Dam is built by low quality cement mixed with cow dung & tissue paper to the huge benefit of the builders of the dam, That Successful Business man is sleeping on a bed of fake currency notes, That Swami is having sex with each & every girl in the country, That Political Leader has leprosy in his mind -mind is brain hence leprosy in brain!, The Chief Minister is grabbing land all over the state in the names of his Benamees, The IITs, IIMs & IIScs are run by 3 Idiots etc!
The only thing The Accuser must never do is POINTING HIS EVER ACCUSING FINGER TOWARDS THE JUDICIORY & SAY SOME ACCUSATIONS! It is the ONLY THING the accuser should avoid at all costs; even in his dreams he should not accuse the judiciary! If he ever commits that blunder, his life as An Accuser is over forever! It is well known that those accusers who wished to commit suicide always followed the safe & 100% result giving suicide method of ACCUSING THE JUDICIORY! This one thing The Accuser is not supposed to do if he/she wishes to have a GOOD SHELF LIFE OF AN ACCUSER! As a compassionate compensation for his self restrain, he is magnanimously given the exclusive privilege to THROW BARRAGES OF ACCUSATIONS & if possible garbage @ any retired judge or retired part of judiciary, without thinking & considering in which judicial forum he sat just before his retirement, NONSTOP! If The Accuser does it, then the entire country will back him up! It is something like a WITCH HUNT where the RETIRED WITCH HUNTERS OF THE BYGONE ERA ARE ACCUSED/HUNTED LIKE ANYTHING! Nobody will even try to stop The Accuser then!
..........................................................Full
Article HERE!
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